Barackface

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Caputo: Closure?

Day One

If it were not for the magic of day one, I'd have moved on a long time ago. What happened on day one? It was an event with Brooke Ellison and now Senator then candidate Claire McCaskill.

I got disenchanted with DFNYC after Nepal's April Revolution 2006, the group I landed on as a Deaniac after I showed up in the city, so I googled up progressive groups. I found Drinking Liberally. At a Drinking Liberally event I met Kristina Hoke who invited me to her MYD events, so I started going to MYD events until Liz picked up that bag: I had not written my online autobiography yet, and that bag pick up was a major trigger. Somewhere along the way I discovered DL21C. It did not take me long to realize this was the top show in town. They got famous politicians to show up. Otherwise US Senators were abstract concepts to me before that. I mean, a guy like me is not supposed to meet a guy like Terry McAuliffe. I am supposed to read about him. But then it's this city. I met Howard Dean, Bill Clinton, Hillary, Jesse Jackson, none at DL21C.

When I look back, it amazes me that I first met Elizabeth when I did. Why not at many of the previous DL21C events that I went to? So here I am unusually dressed up. Otherwise I always went to political events casual extreme. I was dressed up because earlier in the day I had to meet with the visiting Deputy Prime Minister of Nepal. He had gone off to DC only hours earlier.

I touched McCaskill. "Here, I just touched a Senator." Leila was there. "You are looking great," she said. She is like, why is this guy dressed up, what's going on? I had not even bothered to dress up for an event she took me to where I met Hillary for the first time. I was wearing a shirt that was all primary colors: loud. I had a long conversation with this guy who said he worked same place where Dave Pollak worked, and that he has met Bobby Kennedy in person. I was impressed. Then I took time to talk to Brooke who was in her wheelchair. She is naughty. She is not exactly someone feeling sorry for herself. I relate to the traditionally marginalized in a selfish way: blacks, Jewish people (although I must say some Jewish guys in NYC act like white women in Kentucky: they feel like they are the front soldiers of the white identity), the disabled, women (it is an effort to get white women to see gender when they look at me, though. When they don't see race, they are like, this guy is hitting on you). Justin Krebs is at the event. I like that guy a whole lot. He is in a league of his own. Just you watch where he will have taken Drinking Liberally in eight, 10 years.

I happen to be standing next to Krebs. Most people have left. It was my style to always be one of the last people to leave after events.

"Where did you go to school?"

Elizabeth Caputo appears in front of my face for the first time. I had never seen her before. I am amazed. I don't know what she meant, I never asked later. Did she think I went to Harvard? I mean, I was standing next to Krebs feeling absolutely, totally comfortable. And this guy, everyone else before I had seen with him in the city, mostly at his events, they acted like it was some kind of a status symbol that Krebs knew them. I am on a train in Brooklyn one day and I spot this attractive young woman. Hey, I have seen you at Rudy's, I said. Are you a friend of Justin, she asked. I said, yes. She came to sit closer to me and really gave me attention. She lived on Park Slope, she said. Krebs is one of those star figure guys in town. This guy is going national. It is only a matter of time. I liked him on day one, I never stopped liking him. And we just have good political communication. He thinks I am going to make "millions and millions." I like him for that too. It is not easy to find people who believe in you.

But at the time I was not thinking Harvard. I answered the question.

"I went to a school in Kentucky," I said. In this town often times it is news if you find people who can find Kentucky on the map. I was not going to spit out the name of the school. It is like when I was crisscrossing America, I did not bother telling people I was from Nepal. I said India. Everyone knows India. Nepal, you have to explain.

"What's it called?"

"Berea College," I said very slowly, uttering every syllable. I did not want her to ask me to repeat. By then I noticed two things. Justin Krebs was not status symbol to her like everyone else before her I had met. And she was really into this conversation with me. Like, really. It was an amazing feeling. I have called it a pre-1989 feeling in a poem. I got transported. Claire McCaskill had not made me feel that way, and I had just met her. Who is this person?

"I have heard of Berea," she said. Okay, this was unusual, more unusual than feeling normal around Justin Krebs. You are not supposed to have heard of Berea. That is why I said Kentucky. I was utterly surprised. Who am I dealing with here?

"Yes, I am from Indiana," she said.

I wonder now if she knew of me before she met me. Did someone email her my blog? Did she then google me up? Because not long before that I had blogged saying I was a refugee into NYC from KY/IN.

There was a pause.

Then she mentioned something financial aid. I don't know if that was her way of saying you look like you are smart enough to have gone to Harvard, but maybe the financial aid part did not work out. If she had googled me up before meeting me, it would not have been hard to find out that I did get admitted to the University of Chicago, but the money part did not work out. But if that was the first time she ever saw me, she is someone who knows Berea pretty well.

At the time of course I was not asking these questions. I was going with the flow of the conversation. I picked up the cue.

"Berea has the best financial aid program of any school in America, second to none," I said with great pride. If I moved to Kentucky in 1996, and I moved to NYC from Indiana in 2005, that is almost a decade of KY/IN landscapes. I think more than pride in college, it was just that homeboy thing. She had found a homeboy.

"Listen Harvard," I said and gave a side swipe to Krebs.

What I am about to say next is kind of important. She looked a little surprised. And Krebs started looking at her weird. She took a step back. Then she mentioned some name, and what sounded like a political office, some dude in Kentucky. "He is a friend of mine," she said. So you have a politician friend in Kentucky. Okay, I am not surprised, I mean, if you are from Indiana. That politician's chief of staff's wife is Marissa, a very, very good college friend of mine. But it is telling of the mental distance between my college and me by then. Marissa I knew extremely well, always liked, she was daughter to the foreign student advisor on campus, Irish guy married to a Thai woman. But I did not know she was now married, and I did not know her husband was chief of staff to a politician who was friends with this amazing person standing in front of me at a NYC event.

I think Caputo was trying to convey the information that she went to Harvard herself. But I did not pick it up that day. I did not know who this politician in Kentucky was, let alone that he was a Harvard dude. Justs so happens that the dude is Jewish, which gives a major twist to the story for me, because Kentucky became hell for me after I experienced racism at the same time as a Jewish young woman who experienced anti-Semitism, who I was kind of seeing at the time, my first summer in America.

But I did not know this dude was Jewish until he showed up in town for a DL21C event.

Okay, so you are from Indiana, and you have a politician friend in Kentucky.

"I beat him," she added. That really got my attention. So this politician in Kentucky is a college friend of yours and you beat him in a student election. I was still not thinking Harvard.

So you are from Indiana, you have a politician friend in Kentucky, and you are good at contesting elections.

But before she said I beat him, she gave me her card. It said Elizabeth Caputo, Vice President, Morgan Stanley. My feeling was, I am so glad I now have your email address. But I think that was not someone trying to share contact information. She had already liked me by then, and she was trying to net me by impressing me with her banking credentials. See this? Money.

But she noticed I took the card as info, but I was more impressed when she said "I beat him."

"You should run," she said.

That was not the first time when Elizabeth Caputo said something to me when I was not sure if she was speaking to me, or she was reading the expression on my face. I don't know if she meant that now she had found a guy who believes she should run for office. Or that she is suggesting I, Paramendra Bhagat, should run for office.

I took a step back. I did not move to NYC to run for office. I moved to launch a company. And at the time I was not even doing that. I was bogged down with Nepal related stuff.

That is when Justin Krebs stepped in. He is like, wait a minute, I am the one who is supposed to be friends with this guy, but Caputo is getting all the attention. So you won an election at Harvard, let me tell this guy what I did at Harvard. He had a corner room on the ground floor. From the window you could say hello to everyone who passed by on the outside. I guess he was trying to impress me how his national network started.

That was a disruption.

He also said something Jewish. What he meant was this Harvard politician in Kentucky was Jewish. That is not what I understood at the time.

"You are Jewish?" I asked Krebs.

"Yes, on my father's side," he said.

"What happened? Your father converted?" You have to believe me when I say it was an innocent question.

So the event is winding down. The last few people proceed to walk out. Caputo and some other woman is ahead. Krebs and I are right behind. By then I think Krebs felt something was going on, maybe. He mentioned something Brooklyn. Then he suggested Caputo is walking me to the train station. I did not understand why he said that. You know, she is just walking. The Krebs' disruption had ended the magic of the conversation. More like my pre-1989 feeling was fleeting away, and I had sunk back again to my usual self.

A few blocks later, I stopped. I needed to take a right to walk that one block to the train station, I believe F train, 2nd Ave.

Caputo turned around.

"We just met," she said, walked over to me in a hurry, and hugged me. By then KY/IN had really sunk into me. That was a major trigger. I was not in control. I was rapidly withdrawing from her, like water shrinking back into the ocean. I had not even started on the online autobiography yet.

Jeeps where I grew up raise dust on the mud roads. When they stop, the dust catches up. I moved to NYC, and the past had caught up with me with a vengeance. I had left nothing behind. The past had been emotionally paralyzing. There were emotions, thoughts, memories to process.
It was not a do I like you, do I think you like me moment. It was more like I had a medical condition. I was in pain. The emotional withdrawal was as if not in my control.

"We just met." "I beat him." Was she speaking her mind to me? Or was she reading my mind? I can't know for sure, but if you ask me today I'd say both those times she was reading my mind.

I just met a guy who thinks I should run for office. This guy likes me, but he will not come with me right now because he feels like we just met, it is too early. That is not my version of the story. My version is I had an emotional collapse. KY/IN was a major trigger. "Don't touch me!" was another trigger that cost me the subsequent half dozen overtures. The last major trigger was the mandatory coat check. I am who I am. I am not a white guy. I have emotional triggers that perhaps a white guy would not. At least I try to be honest as possible in confronting them.

A day or two later, or perhaps the same evening when I got back home I emailed her my blog saying it was so nice to meet you. I think she started reading my blog regularly, possibly even passing it around to others, but after that first day it was like we never even met. I'd come to her events, she would sign me in, I'd go experience the event, event over I would go home.

There was day one. And then the subsequent months of lull. It was like she disappeared. I think she would have liked hooking up on day one, she would have felt like she met a guy who likes her for her. But I dropped the ball. I don't exactly apologize, because what I had at the time to me is akin to a medical condition. Rambo had bullets in his arms. He was bleeding.

Email

One day I got back home from one DL21C event. The following day I shot her a quick email to her Morgan Stanley email address, the only I had, from the card she had given me on day one.

"Nice event yesterday," I said.

"We are all your fans," came a very quick email reply.

I was floored, to say the least. This was absolutely, totally unexpected. I could have fallen off the chair. I was used to being a nice nobody at Manhattan events. Here was someone who ran the show at what I had come to determine on my own was the top political organization in the city, and she is saying we are all your fans. This is not possible.

There is a famous Amitabh Bachchan song. The dude is a drunkard. He is used to coming home every night drunk and getting berated by the wife. One day the wife decides she is going to be nice to him instead. The dude can't take the good treatment. He runs away from his own house thinking that in his drunk state of mind he must have mistakenly walked into someone else' house. Go to minute 2:20 of this video below.

"You've got to be kidding me. I don't h-a-v-e fans. I am a nobody," I protested.

I experienced anti-Madhesi prejudice at high school in Kathmandu. In the mini Nepal of Queens that prejudice was times five. At DFNYC my blog was referred to as The Onion. It is good to be thought of as funny, but I felt like I was doing some cutting edge political work, both in terms of substance and style.

"We all read your blog," she said.

"Well, I am emailing you because I thought you were looking great yesterday," I shot back.

She did not reply to that email. I waited a few minutes: no reply. I got a little nervous. Did I just press the wrong button with her?

Then for the first time I googled her name up. Up came a small snippet from some Harvard document: she had spoken at some Harvard event. She was Harvard '94. She had played a key role in the campaign of the last black guy to have run for governor of New York. She had run Wes Clark's entire northeast operation in 2004 when he ran for president. That black guy part was what really got me. The KY/IN trigger from day one had been subconscious and foolish. It vanished, it had never been based on anything she said or did. For the first time I learned she did her undergrad at Harvard. I was also excited with her presidential campaign experience. I really wanted in on the nuts and bolts.

I copied and pasted that paragraph into the body of an email and shot it to her.

I did the math from the "Harvard '94" mention. So she is a year older than me, I thought.

"I think you owe me a conversation," I said. I desperately wanted to pick up on where we had left on day one. That is not what she understood. She is like, this guy is trying to trick me into giving him my number.

"What is your number?" she emailed.

I shot her my number.

"What is yours?" I asked.

No response. That rang alarm bells. I decided I was not in her league. I should not have got excited. I need to step back. She is a Harvard graduate. She is banker: she is Manhattan, I am Brooklyn. She has more money. She runs the top political organization in the city. I am just someone who shows up for her events.

Now it was going to be awkward. At some level I started looking at day one with disbelief. It did not happen.

I think I got stuck with that phone number part: I am 2.0. In my version of the story, she got stuck with the DL21C membership part: she is 5.0. If she will not even email me her number, it is not possible she is into me. If he will not even join my organization, it is not possible he is into me.

Mixed Up Sequence

I am not sure I will get the sequence right for some of the other events I will talk about. I don't know why but I seem to get the chronology a little mixed up.

Rangel Event

I met Delilah Rothenberg at the State of the Union watch party 2006. That is the first day I also met Justin Krebs. He gave me a postcard, something Laughing Liberally. Not long back I had been, in my version of the story, humiliated by two WASP women. I liked it that Delilah will talk to me. I think she liked me. I thought she was good looking, smart, and I was not in a big position to pick and choose. Long term I was going to do just fine, but short term I was doing political work for Nepal, and this was before April Revolution 2006 when Nepal hit also the local media, the world media, like a tornado. I think Delilah liked me on that day one, and I can look younger than I am. But then I emailed her - she gave me her card - and she just did not email me back. I was perplexed. I decided she was not into me. A few months later I met her at the event where I met Spitzer for the first time. She came to me to say hello with some interest and enthusiasm. I was confused. We met, then I emailed you, you did not email me back, why are you saying hello now? I offered to take her picture with Spitzer. I emailed her the snap the following day. No email back. I was confused again.

In my mind I thought, it is not like I meet women who like me left and right. People ask what do you do as a second question, and I don't seem to have an answer. What do I say? Uh, um, I am trying to incite a revolution 8,000 miles away? And people lose interest. I thought I'd email her, she's email me back, then we would talk on the phone, then I'd ask to meet, and we could get together if she is not flustered by what I was doing at the time, days, nights, weekends. But women know better. After the Rangel event, she emailed me saying you never said hello to me, I never said hello to you. We might have said hello to each other if we were into each other, something like that.

A few weeks back I emailed her saying I want to be friends with you, I hope some day we can do something together for Africa, that continent fascinates me like no other, I look forward to seeing you around. I am glad we became Facebook friends recently.

Delilah showed up at the 2006 victory party. Then again at the Rangel event. The first two or three events or four events where I met, saw Delilah was before I met Caputo.

At the Rangel event, Elizabeth tried to get her picture taken with that young Pakistani girl. Those few seconds are key. At the event after that she invited me onto the DL21C Steering Committee.

I refused. I said no to membership. Why are you so eager to save me perhaps 20 bucks a year, I thought. In hindsight I think I should have said yes to membership right away. Today I can't seem to get it even if I want to. As for the steering committee, I was too busy with Nepal. Two more revolutions had to happen, more meaningful to me than April 2006 even, because I am a Madhesi. I am like, if all you are doing is events, and you are already doing it well, why do you need my input? Nepal had to happen, then my startup had to happen a little, enough to get on track, then Obama also took some time.

You are a bone surgeon, I am a heart surgeon. You are saying, if you are a heart surgeon, you must be smart, come do bone surgery with me.

I have to ask, did she want me more active with her organization because she liked me? As in, I want to find ways to talk to you in person. Well, why can't you just ask me out? I think both of us were leery. My attitude is, you did not email me your member, so you are not into me, so what I want is, I just want to show up for your events, I don't want to get into event planning, no thanks. My political style is very different from yours.

I got ready for DL21C start of January, I am ready today, Nepal, Obama are behind me, the startup is on track, I am ready for DL21C, but right now I am persona non grata to the organization. Isn't that just amazing? Call it fate.

Blueprint For DL21C: Party Inside A Party

NYU

Then things died down. She was into her routine of putting together events. I was into the routine of showing up for them. Not emailing me her number was the departure point for me. I was going to take to heart the message that she is not into me. I mean, she has been nice, great otherwise. I was not going to squander the goodwill. I was just fine being homeboy.

But then there was this thing. She did organize a Republican debate watch party. I showed up, she canceled it. We were both out into the street. In my version, what I am saying is, that was her way of saying you can't have my number, but you can talk to me now. This is not an event, there is noone else, we are out on the sidewalk. Right when it happened, I did not understand it that way. I protested the cancellation of the event.

Her parting comment was, "I don't give out my number."

"That's okay," I said. If I needed reminding I am a Brooklyn guy, I thought.

We walked away separate ways.

And then the NYU event happened. I get off the train. I am a block away from the venue. I look up and I see Caputo run to the door. Maybe she is in a hurry. Or she saw me and she does not want to end up having to talk, the thought struck me. I was amused. C'mon, hey, this is homeboy, remember.

I showed up at the desk. I was smiling, amused.

"You don't have to sign in," she said.

What did she mean? Is she protesting my not having become a member?

At the event, she came to sit in the row in front of me, though her seat was not right in front. I did not notice. Then I looked in her direction by chance, and she looked at me. She got up and walked to the back of the room. I felt uncomfortable. Two more times that day she came within sight. I was a little confused. Running away, walking away from seat, now that is Ms 99% behavior, I thought. I did not like the treatment. I felt like it was uncalled for.

I emailed her. If you are going to run like that, I am also going to protest, I thought. I said something like, DL21C events are like work to me, how would you feel if I were to show up at Stanley to hit on you - as if she were hitting on me - blah, blah. In my mind I was trying to get her to tell me, I like you, let's meet outside of events. But I ended up saying, don't please hit on me.

Bookstore

Her response: a Condi Rice event.

After the event was over, she pulled me aside and chewed me out.

"What was that email about?" she demanded to know.

My right hand had gravitated to touching her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" she said. I took away my hand. I felt totally out of place. She walked away. I went back to my conversation with the guest speaker, who was black, author of the Condi bio.

"You can come to the events," she said before leaving. My facial expression at the time was, okay, no more DL21C events, tata, bye bye.

"Condi is tough," the guy said.

I stopped going to DL21C events.

Summer Bash

A Facebook email from David Pollak showed up. It was mass mail. The state Democratic Party and all the big political organizations in the city were throwing something called a summer bash. I decided to go. This was not a DL21C event. This was many organizations.

In my mind I felt like after I asked for your number, and you did not give it to me, I have made a thorough effort to not take any interest in you. The berating was unfair, what have I got myself into?

I signed into the event, then went to talk to some people I knew, many I did not. An hour or so later, I felt a little followed. I was not angry at Elizabeth, I just wanted to feel safe. I was not going to apologize for taking interest. But I thought I had done a good job of not taking interest after not getting the number. She followed me around the room a few times. I did not feel like there was anything to talk about. I was still reeling from the "Don't touch me!" remark. That had been trigger number two. It had brought up all sorts of issues from the past for me. After the bookstore event, I was not going to any more DL21C events. Then the summer bash happened. And something happened at the summer bash.

I got into the music. The chair of the state Dem party was on stage playing music. I found the scene amusing, the music was good. I got myself situated and just stood there and listened. Elizabeth came from behind me, and walked over to the front and said something brief to Pollak, then came back. She was standing in front of me facing a DL21C guy who I know but don't know the name. They are the exact same height. Then she turned toward the stage. She was right in front of me, a few steps away. She took one step back, then reached back with her left hand, then she took another step back. When she did that, she ended up touching my private part. I am not saying that is what she meant to do, because she was not looking in my direction. But she did mean to touch. She reached out to touch.

This was so totally unexpected. My immediate reflex action was to take one step back. Once home, I shot her a Facebook email saying, I think you were kind of stalking me at the summer bash, I think we should at least become Facebook friends: she did not accept my Facebook friend request. My long term reaction was my decision to no longer go to DL21C events vanished.

I wish we had talked. But we did not. I was too confused. At least finally I was working on my online autobiography. That was helping, but much work was still to be done.

In my version, her touching me at the summer bash was day one. She acted like she liked me at the next four or so events, all the way to the Washington governor event. But the trigger from "Don't touch me!" was so huge, I dropped the ball each time. My bad, but it was like a medical condition. Rambo had bullets in his arms.

My subconscious told me she is acting like she likes me. But in real time my conscious mind told me she is just trying to say I am sorry I overreacted at the bookstore.

My Past, Nepal, Startup

I guess I really needed to work through my pain from the past. Nepal was my house on fire. The startup started on real shaky ground. With Caputo I felt like, either you like me, or you don't like me, I have already said I do. If you like me, and if you are not into email and phone, do your face time thing and tell me you do, or does it matter?

In my emotional confusion, things would get theoretical for me. If it were to start, how would it start? At the Irish Rogue event I talked to Carolyn, not to her, at the subsequent Washington governor event, Caputo came to stand right behind me, then she got Carolyn to ask the governor a question because "you like asking questions." That was a reference to me.

You reject me, and you act rejected, this is weird, I thought.

Louisiana Senator Event

Bobby had just been elected governor.

"You are already a member," Elizabeth said to me as I walked into the swankiest venue of any DL21C event I ever been to. I was a little confused, but I sure was not angry. I guess I save seven bucks today, I thought.

I really wanted to talk to her. But I did not think I had the option. An event host has to do things, move around. So I guess I was going to be there, then go home. I asked a question. The Senator said Elizabeth. This was not the first US Senator who had looked at me and looked at Elizabeth and decided we belonged together. Elizabeth was only a few feet away from me. I looked at her. She turned in my direction but looked to the ground.

The event was almost over, I was making small talk to some random people I had never met before. I was almost ready to leave. Dan Berger walked over to me and said can I talk to you for a sec? Sure.

This guy had really got on my nerves. Our first little quarrel was over Facebook. He would send out an event invite over Facebook. I would RSVP yes, and then I would add a link to my blog on the wall. DL21C is no Hillary 2008 operation. At the Iowa returns party, DL21C had a table for Obama, a table for Hillary, and a table for Edwards. But this guy emails me angrily saying do not post your blog at the Facebook wall for DL21C events. The request made no logical sense. I did not comply. I started out not knowing this guy at all. Then he was just a guy who signed you into events. Then there was that stupid Facebook spat. At the Washington governor event he growled at me. "I am serious," he said and walked away. He said something about his boss. He made no sense to me. And I was offended. To me it felt like this guy is inviting me into a petty fight for some stupid territoriality. The DL21C Facebook space does not belong to you or your boss, it belongs to DL21C which is a neutral organization. Obama, Hillary and Edwards supporters all may post stuff on the wall. You are not making sense, but you are trying to pick a fight, I thought. His growl at the Washington governor event made me angry, but I let it pass, I should not have. I am like, this guy is half my age, 5% of my brain, 2% of my political skills.
So when he asked me aside, I was not angry. I thought we had left that little Facebook spat behind, which was stupid to start with. So once we are in a corner kind of away from everybody, the dude just starts growling and yelling. I was all ears to start with. I don't know what it was about. I thought he wanted to share info, something.

First, he starts yelling, like big time. I was immediately angry. Then he is like, look at me, look at me. Then he is like, what's up with Elizabeth, you are just going to have to stop. Then he is like, don't you threaten me!

All I heard was yelling. I was angry. I am like, the heck with these DL21C events. I said, "Let's do it this way. I don't show up for these DL21C events ever again. Would you like that? Now get the fuck out of my face, forever." He immediately calmed down and walked away.

These few ten seconds are key.

What happened? Did Elizabeth ask this guy to talk to me on her behalf? What exactly did she tell him? Or did he come talk to me on his own?

Why did he feel threatened? The idea that if I go up politically, I come to the same level as Dan Berger is infinitely racist. Did he find out that I was now a member and felt threatened? Or did Elizabeth ask him to tell me to, I don't know, please don't take interest in me. In that case, he took that as a license to go on his racist rant about don't you threaten me. That part was his own. He had his own agenda. I have to be specific here because Elizabeth two months later and three months later talked like she thought I got offended by "You are already a member" and not by "Don't you threaten me!"

Mike Lupinachi did the same thing early in January.

Let's assume Elizabeth asked Mike to tell me to leave the venue. But that is not what he did.

First thing he said was, "So you don't want to talk?"

Dan Berger's rejoinder to that was, "It was a personal space issue." He had understood that his presence was the reason I had refused to engage in talk with Elizabeth at the December Baby party.

To me it felt like these two guys were saying, we have decided Elizabeth is the woman for you, but I have been given the information that Elizabeth tried to talk to you at the December Baby party, but you did not want to talk. Is that it?

I wan angry. Why don't you fucking just tell me what to think, how to feel, and what to do?

I had gone to the Iowa event with the express intention of talking to Elizabeth. I wanted to pick up where she left at the December Baby party.

Then Mike changed tack. He is like "You have crossed the line." That is what white guys say to brown guys about white women. I was mad as hell as a matter of principle.

Then he is like, "I got the emails." Now he was being suggestive. I had Delilah's emails, and now I got Elizabeth's emails, this woman is with me now: lying out of his teeth.

The dude had been given a simple message: ask this guy to leave. He did not deliver that message until the very last. Before that he delivered three messages of his own. I knew better than to create a scene. I chewed him out at my blog later that evening. Welcome to the Information Age.

Holiday Party

That was summer bash, part two. If you are acting today like you like me, I'd please like to understand what happened at the Louisiana Senator event.

Planned Parenthood Event

Were you a key person to bring the event about?
Was that the day when we were going to talk and start out on a relationship? Maybe a day at an event when you might have experienced a slight racism is not an auspicious day and time. There was this Caribbean girl, and some white girls immediately started giving condoms to the two of us. Brown folks look good together.
What if I like you, but I don't want to start out at an event? And I don't have room for middle men? I get headaches when others get involved. It feels like it is arranged marriage culture all over again. It is a privacy issue, it is a safety issue, big time, safety as in social safety.

February 7

That was the last day when I felt Caputo liked me. You could say I messed up, or you could look at the big picture of what really happened.

Facebook Friends

These are some of my former Facebook friends: Dave Pollak, Martha Kenton, Keith Bray. If you are on Caputo's bad side, bits and pieces of this city start falling away from you.

The Police

On Tuesday, 20 days after getting deprived of the Bombay Palace event where my Facebook friend State Senator Liz spoke, I showed up for the Arianna event. I made small talk with a guy who had just stepped out for "air." He worked for Arianna's publisher. Elizabeth opened the door for him. She saw me on the sidewalk.

"Security," she said. A security guard proceeded to walk towards me from the other gate some 40 feet away. I looked at him, no stare, just looking. He stopped dead in the tracks half way to me. This virus has mutated. Security guards don't work on his no more.

"Next time I am calling the police," she said. How do I feel about that? I think not enough women of the world call the police on their men, or on men in general, period. I am for a War On Domestic Violence like W has been for a War On Terror: bringing similar passion.

"I have not liked you before," she said. That is an improvement upon "I don't like you, I never did." But it is still not good enough for me. I walked away.

Feminist Consciousness

I am ahead of Elizabeth on that one. But I am behind her when it comes to latent feminist consciousness.

After the Irish Rogue event, she brought along a black woman educator for an event. I think that was the first time I saw an woman at a DL21C event. I am the reason why. My silicon city talk gave her confidence. Until then she liked me but she thought I was just a blogger, a bad name for a journalist. I am also the reason the Washington governor showed up.

Ms. President

I predicted a French Revolution in Nepal a few months before it happened. I am predicting Elizabeth Caputo is a future President of the United States.

How could it happen? Spitzer is already out of the picture. You force Hillary to do the Dick Cheney thing. Bobby you can handle alone, I can handle alone. He will be no match to the two of us. I am talking Caputo 2016.

You help me win the Nobel Peace Prize this year. The work is for the most part done, but I need to sell it in the NYC media market. I need to get on Charlie Rose. I break the MLK record. After that I go meet Larry Ellison to get him to pump a few ten millions into the startup. "Larry, as long it is the PC era, Oracle will be number two. Help me take us into the IC era so Oracle can have a shot at becoming number one." You quit your current job, come in as COO. You do for 5.0 for the company what Adam will do for its 2.0. When we become more visible, you take the CEO title from me. You are the public face of the company. CEO Caputo takes the company public.

All the time we grow DL21C into all 50 states. You quit, and you do in 2014 what Barack did in 2006. You crisscross the country on behalf of DL21C people running for office. Early 2015, you announce you are running.

The president who will turn America into a full fledged knowledge economy will not have been a Mayor or Governor, she will have been a Nasdaq CEO of a global operation.

True Love

There are men who think true love was when women stayed home and baked cookies. I am not one of them. Work and career have to be talked about as love elements.

If day one was not magic, if nothing happened at the summer bash, if you did not long for me at the Holiday party, if you did not choreograph the February 7 event for me, then I am not up for it. "I have not liked you before" is not good enough.

A few weeks back I asked Adam, so if you were to go get a MBA, and go back to work at Stanely, how much will you make? He gave me some figures. I am like, Ms. Caputo must be rich. Her net worth must exceed a million. The money looks good. But if day one was not magic, the million plus is not worth it. Thanks, but no thanks, I will make my own billions.

P.S. I love you. I Am Different

On Wed, Apr 30, 2008 at 11:36 AM, Paramendra Bhagat wrote:
> Moscow is the most expensive city on earth, it is not New York City.
> But Moscow is a city white like snow. By the way an investor in my
> startup, a relative, the richest Nepali on earth just became Russia's
> Manager Of The Year.
>
> Mahato conferred Russia's 'Manager of the Year'
> http://www.nepalnews.com/archive/2008/apr/apr30/news11.php
>
> On Wed, Apr 30, 2008 at 10:45 AM, Paramendra Bhagat
>
>
> wrote:
> > How would you like to grab a beer some time? One on one. Man to man.
> > Make small talk. The beer's on me.
> >
> > On Mon, Apr 28, 2008 at 9:26 PM, Dan Berger wrote:
> > > Paramendra,
> > >
> > > As you know, due to your conduct over the past year and half, you are not
> > > allowed entry to our events. Tomorrow night is no exception. Should you
> > > choose to again disregard our rules, we will contact law enforcement, who is
> > > already aware of the situation.
> > >
> > > Dan Berger
> > >
> > > On Mon, Apr 28, 2008 at 9:11 PM, Paramendra Bhagat
> > > wrote:
> > > > Hello Dan Berger.
> > > >
> > > > This is a RSVP for the Arianna event. I expect to be there at door
> > > > open at 6. If the idea would be to ask me to leave plain and simple,
> > > > any DL21C person should be able to do that. Would not bother me. Or a
> > > > messenger guest, or whoever, or some venue person. "Sorry, you may not
> > > > go in." That is all it would take.
> > > >
> > > > But if you can please tell Elizabeth that I'd greatly appreciate a
> > > > short talk, would be much appreciated. It might go something like
> > > > this. "True, I have liked you a whole lot, and I have expressed myself
> > > > to the fullest, openly, because if I was not going to get you, it was
> > > > not going to be because I did not express myself. But if you are
> > > > saying you are not into me, can we just please close that chapter and
> > > > normalize things? And just be Democrats? I think I can do that."
> > > >
> > > > Or I could just be allowed to experience the event. Come and go. I'd
> > > > be happy to pay the one time fee or the annual fee.
> > > >
> > > > All three would be just fine by me.
> > > >
> > > > http://democracyforum.blogspot.com/2008/04/april-29-arianna.html
> > > >
> > > http://democracyforum.blogspot.com/2008/04/nobel-peace-prize-2008-making-case-for_14.html
> > > > --
> > > > http://paramendrabhagat.blogspot.com
> > > >
> > > --
> > > Dan J. Berger
> > > AIM/MSN: Octane097
> > > (917) 359-7757
> > > www.danjberger.com
> >
> > --
> > http://paramendrabhagat.blogspot.com

--
http://paramendrabhagat.blogspot.com

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Black Anger Does Not Surprise, Bother Me, Absence Of Black Anger Would

Slavery was and is something to be angry about. Segregation was and is something to be angry about. Persistent racism was and is something to be angry about. Like Mahatma Gandhi said, I'd rather people engaged in nonviolent action to seek liberation, but if it is between violence and apathy, I'd rather they took violent action for liberation.

This Jeremiah Wright dude is totally nonthreatening. He could not swat a fly if he wanted to. That is what I see on his face. This dude is harmless. From day one I have been amazed with the reaction to Wright. I have watched bemused. He just spoke a few angry words. It is not like he tried to incite violence, or even political action.

Church is where black people gather. And they need an outlet to vent anger. If it is the emotion of anger that disqualifies someone, Bill Clinton is the most disqualified person in America. That guy is prone to intense outbursts of anger on a daily basis. He gets red and blue. He never had a staffer he did not yell at. Wright never got that angry. So it can not be that the emotion of anger is what is illegitimate.

So what are you saying? The reason Wright got angry is what bothers you? How do you propose he react to his personal experiences in segregation and continued racism? Is he supposed to give you a Kodak smile in response? Racism is something to be angry about.

There are legitimate and illegitimate ways to express anger. Violence is not legitimate. Verbal expression is legitimate. Wright engaged in verbal expression. His words circulating in YouTube videos were recorded when noone, not even Barack knew Barack was going to run for president. And from what I gather, such outbursts are the norm rather than the exception in black churches. Is it news to white people that black people are angry?

But I must admit Wright's choice of words are kind of sort of unsavory for a mass audience. But you are taking it out of context. Wright never imagined the mass attention that his words have been getting. The guy is a deer in the headlights. He is like, holy. He is a little confused. Barack gave a speech saying he does not intend to disown Wright, but Wright misunderstood and thought Barack is giving him the shaft. That is someone confused with the mass attention. He is not used to being famous. Noone really is. To be associated with a president to be is quite a challenging proposition.

Black anger is no surprise as long as racism is persistent like it is today. But we can debate about:

Legitimate expressions of anger at racism.
Ways to end racism.

You can't be like but, da, why are you even angry in the first place? That has been white America's reaction. Too many whities want a symbolic black guy in the White House. They don't want to have to do the hard work of confronting racism in their hearts, minds and institutions.

Suddenly you have Karl Rove jumping up and down the street. I never believed you, Karl, when you said you were retiring. You got out of the White House so you could dip into the 2008 drama. Looks like race is one of your favorite topics to talk about. Mine too. I think we are going to have a blast, between you and me.

In The News

After Break With Ex-Pastor, Obama Tries to Move On New York Times

The Obama-Wright divorce MSNBC

Putting Jeremiah Wright and patriotism in perspective San Francisco Chronicle, USA

San Diego Union Tribune

Putting Jeremiah Wright and patriotism in perspective
San Francisco Chronicle, USA - 1 hour ago
Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama's former pastor, which said: "God damn America!" Obama's now-famous speech, concerning race and the intemperate words of his ...

Video: Obama's Former Pastor Speaks to NAACP

AssociatedPressJeremiah Wright: Barack Obama’s Savior? Forbes
Wright and wrong guardian.co.uk
NPR - MSNBC
all 1,312 news articles »

Voice of America

Father Raymond J. de Souza on Jeremiah Wright: Giving God the ...
National Post, Canada - 5 hours ago
Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Sunday night in Detroit. The black church in America has long lived between the glory and the blues, between the ecstasy of ...
A Strained Wright-Obama Bond Finally Snaps New York Times
Friend who used to attend Jeremiah Wright's church stands up for ... Dallas Morning News
Timeline of Barack Obama's relationship with Jeremiah Wright The Associated Press
Tulsa World - HipHopDX
all 317 news articles »

OverTheLimit.info

Obama Expresses Outrage Over Former Pastor Jeremiah Wright's Comments
U.S. News & World Report, DC - 10 hours ago
Jeremiah Wright Tuesday and cast his former pastor from his house. One day after Wright's defiant and incendiary performance at the National Press Club, ...
Yoni Goldstein on Jeremiah Wright's hateful vindictiveness and how ... National Post
Black pastors speak out on Wright's statements Newsday
Jeremiah Wright - Hillary Supporter? Houston Chronicle
FOXNews - Village Voice
all 674 news articles »

BET

Sen. Barack Obama with the Rev Jeremiah Wright
FOXNews - 8 hours ago
Jeremiah Wright travels around the country on a speaking tour and as Sen. Barack Obama tries to distance himself from the controversial pastor, ...
Can Obama close the door on Wright? CNN
Roundup: Jeremiah Wright spreads his wings Los Angeles Times
Wright’s rant goes on Boston Herald
Kansas City Star - Detroit Free Press
all 217 news articles »

TV3 News

TRANSCRIPT: Obama Press Conference on Jeremiah Wright
FOXNews - Apr 29, 2008
I’ve known Reverend Wright for almost 20 yrs. The person I saw yesterday was not the person that I met 20 yrs ago. His comments were not only divisive and ...
Mr. Obama and Rev. Wright New York Times
Wright and Obama Cosmopolis
The Many Faces of John McCain Yahoo! News
Media Matters for America - Atlantic Online
all 118 news articles »

Spiegel Online

Time to take a breather, Rev. Wright
Atlanta Journal Constitution, USA - 8 hours ago
... postured his response to say : ”The most recent attack on the black church, it is not an attack on Jeremiah Wright, it is an attack on the black church. ...
Does Obama Get It Wright? Washington Post
Obama Says He Is Outraged By Wright's "Rants" U.S. News & World Report
Not Wanted on the Voyage: Bama Drops Wright Overboard Pacific Free Press
CBS2 Chicago - ABC Online
all 70 news articles »

Boston Globe

Obama Seeks to Re-Focus Presidential Campaign
Voice of America - 6 hours ago
... his political footing Wednesday in the US presidential campaign, one day after denouncing his controversial former pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. ...
Today on the presidential campaign trail The Associated Press
Pastor is a ranter, says irate Obama Melbourne Herald Sun
Wright's comments were divisive and destructive: Obama NDTV.com
WBKO - Media Monitors Network
all 2,216 news articles »

John Bloom sticks up for the Rev. Jeremiah Wright -- Joe Bob says ...
Dallas Morning News, TX - 8 hours ago
Jeremiah Wright -- Joe Bob says check it out Longtimers may remember the regular column "Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-in" written by John Bloom of the late ...